A little dab’ll do ya

In my dream, uncle joe had spooked a 12 p9oinnt buck on afternoon. Seeing where it came from he made a mental no8te

We’ll here I sit front of this here ‘putor figurin’ on tellin’ ya ’bout the ride we did last Tuesday.

It started like any ol’ ride. Everybody was sittin’ in front of my lodge tryin’ ta figure where we was goin’ to find some sport. Not the female kind mind ya, but in the valley’s an’ hill’s that are near an’ dear ta this ol’ coon. Some of the local guys showed up to see what kind of mischief we were gonna get are self’s inta. Well Jimbo was spountin’ off ’bout doin’ a no dab ride. Now, I’m fond of the no dab’s game, I have even won a coupla myself. So off we went to hills an’ hollers ta see who had some sand an’ who didn’t. It’s too bad fer the other’s cause they is in the game too. Hope they don’t get squampish ’bout hearin’ colorful words bein’ palavered ‘bout. Shit, I’m hear ta tell ya that I do cuss when my ol’ hoof hit’s the ground in the middle of dab run. I know Jimbo can peel the paint off a barn when his word hole opens up. See the dab game is fairly simple, there ain’t a whole slew of them rules. We made it that way so we wouldn’t get all confused in the middle of a game, when one us’s foot touch’s the ground it‘s a dab. It’s that simple. Then it’s ta the end of the line. It’s like a reward to be in the front ‘er right up close ta the front anyway. When we came ta the first downhill I was thinkin’ this ought ta be a good one ta watch. See there’s this ditch in the bottom. It’s got some water an’ mud an’ it’s slipperier than a card shark on a Saturday night. Many a young spud has been wackered there. Hell, jus’ last night a newbie splattered there an’ broke a piece off of his Trek. Oh yeah back ta my yarn. Well we was on top of that hill waitin’ fer Monte’. Nobody seen ‘em since we started down the hill. I was fixxin’ ta go bactrackin’ ta find him but rode up with a shit eatin’ grin on his mug.

“I missed the ditch”. He spoke smiling.

Well Monte’ ol’ frien’ you get ta go to end of the line. Off to the secret trail over by church. It really ain’t all that secret but it useta be. I leapt off the side walk and took off down the hill like wolf on a blood trail. The only problem was I was outta control. Course all them folks behind me figured I was jus really good. By the time I got to the middle of that there hill the back wheel was up in the air like one of them there stink bugs your always see in on the trail. Now I ain’t tellin’ ya no baldface here, I was comtimplatin’ not makin the corner at all an’  goin’ right in ta the big bush at the bottom of that hill. How would I lie outta that one. I made the corner by the hair of my chinny chin chin. I turned around to see Jimbo not make it. The front wheel washed out on the ol’ boy an’  he went quicker down than a glass of cold beer. There was one more fer the back of the line. Yeehaw. I feelin’ pretty cocky ‘bout then but we had the Church hill comin’ up. Hell, I make it all the time. I started up it jus’ like always, a little slip here an’  a little slip there an’ then ol’ girl jus stopped goin’. I was sittin’ there fer a heart beat tryin ta figure out how I was gonna get out of this one.

Yer askin’ “well what happened?”. I dabbed. Hi Monte’ an’  Jim. We moseyed over to Discovery Park ta give that hill a few licks. Jimbo an’  Little Tony went right up the hill like they was bein’ pulled up by a team of mules. Not the rest of us. I started climbin that rascal till my heart was throbbin’ like a buck in the rut. Still didn’t make it. Them two sod buster corncrackerin flatlander’s made it though. Damn! All the feller’s that didn’t make it, me included had ta walk up that sumbitch. I bet a dollar to a plug nickel I could make it on the second try. But it wouldn’t counted anyway, so why get my self all tuckered out. The group decided to go over to Tim Jr.’s Hill.

When we got to that there hill I looked up to ponder it. You know I still get a knot in my feed bag every time I see that thing. I said that I’d go first if no one minded. I gave it a fair shake. I climbin’ till I was snortin’ with a funk, jus wasn’t my day to do it. Hell, I was whipped worse than a plow mule at dusk by the time I got back down to the bottom of the consarned hill. Then Jimbo went. He was slashin’ bushes an’ throwin’ rocks like a snow blower on a gravel road. That ol’ hoss made it. Wow. Monte’ gave it try. Made it ‘bout halfway, no a tad more than that. Pretty damn good, farther than me I might add. He turned around ta come down ‘cept he was sittin’ on top tube usin’ his feet fer out riggers. That’s a sure fired way to be singin soprano. I was talkin’ to no one particular an’  said

“that ol’ boy best not grab that front brake.” You guess it. He grabbed it.

The back wheel was goin’ ta swap with the front in a matter of heart beats. The stem was buried so far in his crotch it looked like the bars were growin’ out his legs. All we could do is wait fer the splat ta happen. It didn’t happen. He saved it. Wow. Well I be skinned out an’  hanged in breeze ta dry. Well the sun was a sinkin an’  we had to get the hell out of Dodge. We had one to do on the way back my casa. Toxic Waste Hill. I went up first again. I was climbin an’  the top was in sight, man my legs felt fat, like two big ol’ chunk’s of lard, but I made it. The sweet aroma of success was floatin on top of that hill. But hold on! What ‘s all the fracas goin on down the hill. I couldn’t see cause the sun was ‘bout gone. Well the rest of our band of merry makers finally walked up to the top. Little Tony had it made when Jimbo gently pushed him into the bushes. Har de har har. When we was all standin’ there on top of that little hill lookin out over the city an’  the lights was sure something. Man, you could see all the way ta point Loma an’  further. We headed back on the construction road tellin’ yarns ‘bout how I did this an’  you did that an’  did You see the way I made that section. Friends are what make rides happen.

Trick bikes an’  fancy clothes are no match fer good friends.

Hoserr