This race we went to all the way down ta Roserito Mexico. Mick, Darby an’ me all hopped inta Mick’s big Dodge an’ let the adventure began. Down the tollway we went with dreams of trophies dancin’ in the air. On the way down we saw the remnants of a car, I think it was a car. It had t-boned the center cement median wall. Cripes! There wasn’t much left of it. On we drove. The mornin’ sun was jus’ startin’ ta break over the eastern hillside. Darby pointed out all the surfin’ spots as we continued. A few fishin’ boats were makin’ they’re way down the coast in hopes of baggin’ some grub. Carroll would be havin’ a hard time drivin’ knowin’ that there was fish at be caught and waves to surf.
Up ahead we saw another truck with bikes it, so we latched on ta their bumper. See I didn’t wanta get lost like the last time. So I figured that we have a good chance of gettin’ there if’n we followed someone. Score! They lead us right inta the track.
This is a familiar course, a few things had changed but fer the most part I raced over almost all of it at one time ‘er ‘nother. After signin’ up, we got the bikes down to preride. Doc George gave us some directions on where the changes were then we were off. They had hills named, Juana, Cha Cha, an’ a couple more that I cain’t pronounce bein’ Gringanesse an’ all. Fer the most part it was like the last time. They added a ditch here an’ there changed directions occasionally. Yes a difficult, but fun track. It was the Coyotes Cycling Club turn ta abuse us. When we got to the hill, ditch, gully, whatever ya wanna call it I went down first. Sketchy but entertaining. Darby went down okay, no mishaps. Then came Mick. Oh. Oh. Splat! The ol’ boy augured in like a tent peg inta soft ground. He laid there on the ground while me an’ Darby was wonderin’ how the hell we was gonna get 205 lbs. of white meat back ta the truck? Thankfully, he jus’ rang his bell. After a quick look at the X-Caliber it determined that he’d be able ta continue.
Gully after gully, switchbacks after switchbacks we rode. But check this out. Some of the race course was laid out in bones. That’s right. Bones. Some of ‘em was stuck inta the ground. Some was layin’, some was pointin’’ out the course. Pretty darn ingenious! On top of one of other ridges was sign. This one said Cha Cha. Cool. A real fast hill. Right in ta a gully then back up the other side. Two ledges you could jump if’n ya had nuff speed. Too cool! Then a bitchin’ single trail right along the side of a deep gully! Ya ain’t gonna find a course like this in America! These boys put on a great show! Some more climbin’ then downhill time. I bet you could hit 35 er 40 easily. Then the climb started. Lower back hurtin’ climbin’. The heat wasn’t too bad yet. I figure the final canyon was ta be scorcher come bout 1 or 2 in the afternoon. It was still early. Our start time was slated fer 11:55. It should be hot ‘nuff by then. They couldn’t have us go out in a civilized time. That jus’ wouldn’t be a correct race if’n they did that! Mick decided to play in Darby’s class today since he’s been doin’ the long rides with us on the weeks days an’ all.
They started us at 11:57. There was Doc, Pedro, Leonardo, David, Pablo, me, a new guy, an’ Braden from Sweetwater fame. Good racin’! The flag dropped an’ they all left me. Not too much different here. I caught Pablo on the first downhill makin’ the pass jus before the powder hillside came to greet us. It wanted me to stay there with it an there were plenty of chances to get off ta do that too. I made it down with no drama an’ got to drag race a AA racer to the top of the next hill. He won. On it went like that. Race from corner to corner. Got ta the place where Mick had a face planted. Loved it! I could see Braden by this time but couldn’t catch em. They’d be a goin’ down as I was climbin’. Damn! Onta the Cha Cha! Yeah! I almost did it with dabs too. Braden was outta sight by now, but the 6th place guy was right there. What a sight it musta been. Drag racin’ at 2-3 mph up hill. It had ta look pretty funny. I made the pass at the sign up tent. Damnit, he stayed right on my butt! Damn! Okay, I’ll try 3 ring on ‘em. I pulled an’ grunted ‘til my legs were on fire, but he was still there! I’ll get ‘em on the downhill I was a figurin’. Nope. Not yet. Up the hill we raced. Middle ring an’ muscle burnin’ what I was feelin’. He was glued ta me like white on rice! One last chance I was figurin’. Juana. I’ve seen ‘nuff folks stuff it there, so I figured I give it a shot. I almost didn’t touch the ground on the way down. I was way too fast here folks. Plain dumb move on my part. I coulda augured in like Mick had done earlier. I pulled it off. After the short hike a bike I jumped on at a run, then I slipped the in ta Big Ring an’ did my best impression of good ol’ Lance. When I turned to climb the next hill the guy was no where to be seen. No matter. I ain’t takin’ no chance. Maybe I can catch Braden, so I muscled up it in middle. My poor ol’ walkin’ sticks were quiverin’ like a drunk in front of the judge by the time I got ta the top. I stole a look back. Still clear. Cool. Big Ring a’gin. Standin’ up I hammered ‘til my ticker was jus’ ‘bout ta quit. Cha Cha lay in front of me. I was pantin’ like a we was in a Lamaze class. All of my control was gone. Don’t even touch them brakes boy. Who said that! It was my braver side. What the hell? So I didn’t. The g’ force at the bottom jus’ ‘bout ripped my hands off them Monkey bars, folks. Damnit all! I could barley steer it the other side! Holy smokes! I made it to the second ledge! One small dab. I gotta do this more often! On to single track. I caught my breath as I saw Braden. The problem was he was goin’ down as I was goin’ up. There was no way I could catch him. So I raced who ever close to me. Advanzado B or C. Man ‘er woman, it didn’t matter one iota as long as they were faster than me. I clear the powder hill with no sweat, Juana came an’ went like a wet dream in the night. Cha Cha lay up there waitin’ fer me. Damnit! I show her what it was all ‘bout! I climbed once a’gin in big ring droppin’ another Advanzado B. Then she was there. Waitin’ to eat me up. I stayed in 44 this time, pedalin’ down as fast as I could. Don’t even think ‘bout usin’ them brakes pal! there was that voice a’gin! Up inta air I went. Landin’ on top of the second ledge! I wish I coulda done that the first two laps! The rest was still difficult as I climbed to the finish. There’s another racer right ahead of me. I pulled up ta him an’ sucked his wheel fer a few strokes, then pullin’ up next ta him I challenged him ta some fun. He wasn’t up fer it. I finished the up the race gettin’ my sixth. I had a good race. I don’t think I could much better. Its them damned uphill starts that do me in! There was Mick shakin’ my hand! “What are you doin’ here?” I asked?
“Cha Cha got me.” then he pulled his glasses off. Ewww! His right eye was cut an’ it already startin’ ta turn inta a real shiner. Darby got a second! Yeah baby! There ya folks. Coyotes brought out a terrific race track. Everyone was commentin’ on lower back pain from the gruntin’ hill climbs. It was a good race fer me. Sixth is fine fer me.
No crashes either! Yahoo!
‘Til next time, Hoserr
HoserrSays 