Artichokes an’ mayo. Now that’s good eatin, eh? Boil up three ‘er four of them rascals get a big ol’ scoop of Kraft Real Mayonnaise an’ commence to chowin’ down. Chase it down with a frothy cold beverage. Now were talkin’. Go to the Charthouse Restaurant an’ buy one as an appetizer an’ you’re gonna be out a few bucks but they is good! Good! Good! I know you’re a thinkin’ I’ve been in the sun too much ta be a writing ‘bout artichokes ain’t you. Well there’s more to it than food folks.
Out on the trail, we bump into imitation artichokes occasionally. You don’t eat these kind folks, these are the ones that devil you somethin fierce fer beaucoup days after you come in contact with ‘em. I know’d you know which ones they is. You know on the Proctor Valley trail? Justas as you drop inta the “Too Short Trail” an’ you start picking up speed fer the table top? They’re the beautiful purple plants you have to weave through. Lord you wanna don’t tap one of them rascals. There is some serious pain waiting fer you from them purty flowers. They’s got them needles that are aboot one inch long. Now, them needles are sharper than a Yale collage graduate, I’m hear ta tell you. Shoot, I’ve had them rascals go right through my buckskins before too. The bad part is they break off in yer skin after they go deep like they do. When they go inta yer gloves you will have a hellava time just pullin’ yer glove off. But hold on now, it ain’t started ta get bad yet. Now say you get one of them needles stuck in you paw. Now I do admit it hurts awful. It burns an’ burns bad. It’s a burn that almost feels like it’s gonna paralyze you. These little needles must have hooky things on the side cause they sure don’t come out as easy as they go in. Sad state of affairs I’m here ta tell you. They almost always go in right the knuckle too, so you’ll be hurting ta hold yer bars. Now that they’s in, how in the blue blazes of hell do you get ‘em out you ask? It’s a bad day folks. A bad day. Best have yer tweezers handy cause that’s ‘bout the only way you can pull ‘em out. Some times you cain’t. It hurts worse than the IRS in April havin’ them thing buried deep in you, I ain’t telling you no baldface lie here folks. Say you get one ‘er two of them out, well yippy fer you. But say you don’t, all you can see is the little red spot where they went in, you can wait ‘til they get infected then they come right out. Care is the thing that must defiantly be shown here.
There’s another bunch of them purty flowers over on Liars Revenge. Aboot half way up ‘er down depending on your point of view. Last week a bunch of us tried to climb that big ol’ hill. I made it aboot 10 feet past the little cement step thing, not too bad fer an’ ol’ fart. A couple of riders that are new to our area made it farther than I did, as did Darby.
Well I came a flyin’ down that ol’ hill like a bowling ball on a freeway an’ missed ‘em all. I turned around to watch Darby an’ the rest come a haulin’ down that big ol’ hill only to see poor ol’ Darby whack one of them rascal hard enough to make sway in the breeze. Right behind him came the new guys. Bad luck on their part as they also wacker’d ‘em. As they came to a stop those rascals was a cussing like a sailor on liberty call. Darby was able to get his glove off, that’s when I saw the huge needle sticking out of his finger nail! I pulled it out fer him as he was a tad bit queasy. The other weren’t so lucky. Fingers an’ leg’s were covered in thorns, some came out some didn’t. Them young lads were able to take a memento home with ‘em.
So if’n yer a ridin’ out Proctor Valley way an’ you see some beautiful purple flowers, well slow down an’ steer around ‘em cause if’n you bump inta ‘em, well it’ll be a bad day fer you too.
So there you go folks . Jus’ a little ditty aboot the purty flowers we have in the area here. We also got them little yellow flowers we call ankle bitters, but that’s another story.
Hoserr
HoserrSays 